CLICK HERE FOR BLOGGER TEMPLATES AND MYSPACE LAYOUTS »

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Rape Jokes

A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort up north. The husband liked to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife liked to read. One morning the husband returned after several hours of fishing and decided to take a short nap. Although she wasn't familiar with the lake, the wife decided to take the boat. She rowed out a short distance, anchored, and returned to reading her book. Along came the sheriff in his boat. He pulled up alongside her and said,

"Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"

"Reading my book," she replied...as she thought to herself, "isn't it obvious?"

"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informed her.

"But officer, I'm not fishing. Can't you see that?"

"Yes, but you have all the equipment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with rape," snapped the irate woman.

"But, I haven't even touched you," groused the sheriff.

"Yes, that's true," she replied, "but you do have all the equipment."


Learning Math


Little Johnny was at home doing his Math homework.
He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven.
Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine."
In that moment, his mother comes in and hears what he is saying.
"Johnny, what are you doing?! Why are you saying that?!"
Little Johnny answered, "I'm doing my Math homework, Mom."
She said, "And is that what your teacher taught you?"
Little Johnny replied, "Yes."
The next day, the mother, worried about the
education her son is receiving, goes to
Little Johnny's school to talk to the teacher.
The mother said to his Math teacher, "I would like to know what
you are teaching my son in Math?"
The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition problems."
Little Johnny's mother asked, "And . . are you teaching them to say,
'Two plus two, that son of a bitch is four'?"
When the teacher stopped laughing she replied,
"Not at all! . What I taught them was, 'Two plus two...THE SUM OF WHICH IS...four'."

Engineer ??


An engineering student is walking on campus one day when another engineer rides up on a
shiny new motorcycle.
"Where did you get such a rockin' bike?" asked the first.

The second engineer replied "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business
when
a beautiful woman rode up on this bike.
She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice, the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

Sunday, December 21, 2008

REDNECK GHOST STORY


A professor at the University of Oklahoma
is giving lecture on the supernatural. To get
a feel for his audience, he asks:

"How many people here believe in ghosts?"

About 90 students raise their hands.

"Well that's a good start. Out of those of
you who believe in ghosts, do any of you
think you've ever seen a ghost?"

About 40 students raise their hands.

"That's really good. I'm really glad you take
this seriously.Has anyone here ever talked to a
ghost?"

15 students raise their hands.

"That's a great response.

Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?"

3 students raise their hands.

"That's fantastic. But let me ask you one
question further.. Have any of you ever made
love to a ghost?"

One student, way in the back, raises his hand.

The professor is astonished. He takes off his
glasses, takes step back, and says,
"Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture,
no one has ever claimed to have slept with a ghost.
You've got to come up here and tell us about
your experience. "

The redneck student replies with a nod and
a grin, and begins to make his way up to the
podium. As he ambles slowly toward the podium,
the professor says,
"Well, tell us what it's like to have sex with
a ghost."

The student replies, "Ghost?!? Shiiiiiit...from way
back there I thought you said "Goats."

Malaysian Telephone Service Providers

Malaysian Telephone Service Providers and what they really mean :

010 - ART 900 - Always Repair Telephone
011 - ATUR - Absolutely Terrible and Useless Radiophone
012 - Maxis - Moronic And Xtremely Inferior System
013 - TM Touch - Too Many TMTouch Owners Usually Change Handphones
016 - DiGi 1800 - Don't Invest In Garbage Instruments
017 - ADAM - Always Dropping And Malfunctioning
018 - Mobifon - Most Often Bought In Fake Obnoxious Nightmarkets
019 - CELCOM - Cannot Enjoy Line Clarity on Outgoing Messages